Tell me what you want, what you really really want...

Okay, this is my first time ever doing this program and frankly, I am pretty scared of what the next 12 weeks will hold. 

You see... I've never really been a fan of exercise. I was always the kid who "forgot" their sports clothes in PE and would spend the class writing out line after line of "I will not forget my PE clothes" over and over and over again.   I never played team sports (unless under duress) and I don't follow any sports other than the Formula 1.  My weekends consist usually of Pizza and a movie on the couch and shock of all horrors, I've been putting on weight.  The more weight I put on and the crappier I feel, the more miserable I get. 

When everyone else gets endorphins after a workout, I seem to just get headaches that border on migraines. When most people go back for more "feel good" sensations, I tend to shy away from more or hard workouts. I usually just feel like shit afterwards and it wrecks my whole day. Having said that, I DON'T want to be scared of exercise. I WANT to be active, I WANT to get outside and grab life. I WANT to run. I WANT to ride. I WANT to feel healthy and strong and I WANT to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. The hardest part is wanting these things more than a 200g bag of potato chips. I have a real problem with comfort eating... Stress eating, boredom eating... pretty much just eating until I've squashed whatever emotion that was bothering me under something else. Which usually ends up being guilt for being so horrible to my body!

I want to get away from that - I WANT to change. I want to love life, feel good and be confident. I want to feel worthy. I want to dress up and wear nice clothes. I want to stop feeling like my body is the enemy. I want to change the habit of reaching for some Pringles whenever life throws me a curve ball... after all, the problem is still there even if I eat a whole tub! I KNOW a lot of the things I am doing wrong, and what I could do to fix it, but I have been lacking the strength, the motivation to change. I want to shed my bad habits for good and I want to cherish my body. I'm hoping that with the support from this program, I can make some real, lasting changes in my life. I want to make these changes STICK!

You know what they say... "Keep doing what you've always done and you will always get what you've always got".  I'm taking the plunge, grabbing the bull by the horns, giving it all I've got...I know its going to be hard, I know it's probably going to get really freakin' ugly but as terrified as I am, I'm really looking forward to learning to love exercise, to eating well & to cherishing my body along with fellow 12WBT members :)

Woohoo!